Pre-Sweden post

It's that time again.....I've gone back to school, graduated, and now it's time to come back to Sweden for an entirely different, just as rewarding, adventurous endeavor. Instead of studying and attending lectures, I will be actively engaging my mind by stimulating the mind of a one and a half year old little boy named Valter. I am excited and overjoyed to have the experience to come back and live in authentic Sweden, that is, a Swedish household where I can put my Swedish to good use and practice. For those of you who don't know what I am referring to, I will be arriving back in Sweden shortly to live and work as an au pair for a minimum of 6 months (with the likelihood of staying longer). I wasn't sure in what form my journey back would come, whether it be for work or for furthering my education at grad school. It all begins in just a few short days on August 14th. Much has happened in the two years since my semester abroad, but I am in a chapter of life where I am thirsty for a fresh start and a new beginning. To "pull up from my boot straps" as they say and start over. I'm searching for a time to reconnect with myself and further understand the complexities of the human spirit. Quintessential post-graduation-life crisis? Maybe. But also a time to pick up the pieces of me and begin to connect them back together, a time to fall back in love with, well, me.....and Sweden, of course. However romantic it may seem to be an au pair in a foreign country, everything comes with it's own set of challenges, and this one doesn't fall short. My introvert nature will be challenged with the overwhelming notion of meeting new people and making new friends, rather, establishing a new community for myself from the ground up. Studying abroad didn't present quite a daunting task as this since it was a preformed group of students with forced interaction activitites, much like freshman orientation at Willamette. Not to mention, I was in a higher learning environment with most of the students within the same age cohort. This, on the other hand, is more "real life" since I must seek out my own relationships rather than have them conveniently presented in front of me, a task I know I am not entirely skilled at. I will also be in a situation where I am not only responsible for myself, but for the safety and well being of a small child, so my days will revolved around his needs, and my actions need to reflect those of a role model. Additionally, it is a new city, and a new way of life, lots of changes in a short amount of time, but nothing that isn't impossible to undertake. I am excited and blessed to have an experience that will only enrich my life and help me to keep growing within myself.

LOVE

Woops! I missed yesterday!! Here is my quintessential valentines picture. Strawberry, poppy seed pancakes (yes they are in the shape of a heart, I think our cook thoroughly enjoys cooking for a bunch of girls), my valentines from my students at the elementary school, and my coffee cup complete with a heart, thanks Starbucks.

This is about as Valentine-y as it gets.

Hello!! I'm back! Photo challenge

Ok, so it's been a long while since I've posted. I've been back in the states, and to sum it up, it's been a hard transition. Remember when I said that I had fallen in love? Well I did...with Sweden. Everyday I do a little something to remind myself of the home and happiness I created while I was there. Listen to Swedish radio, read the newspaper, talk to my dad in Swedish, drink Swedish coffee, teach people here the art of fika, it's a perfect way to bring Sweden home with me.

In the meantime, I'm starting a one photo a day or maybe one photo a week challenge. Here's today's. My mom sent me flowers for Valentine's Day, a holiday I'm not so fond of, but when it comes to my parents, it's not all that bad. In any case, here are the beautiful flowers that made my day!

hemma igen

I'm home now, in the states. Since last Wednesday. It took me a long time to get around writing this post because first of all, when have I have I ever been on time with writing my posts, and second of all, I just didn't want to write it quite yet. Leaving Sweden was a most tearful goodbye. I spent my last evening there soaking it all in the best way possible, going to another dinner at my auntie's parents house. We sat around the table for hours celebrating Miriam's birthday, laughing, talking, reminiscing, and eating of course. I sat there and thought to myself "this is Sweden." Sure you can go to Stockholm and see Gamla Stan, the Vasa, the archipelago, and Drottningholm. You could rent a car and drive the E4 up and down the country, but if you don't visit Swedes, you won't really see Sweden. I know I am very lucky and blessed to have so many wonderful people to visit in Sweden, mostly thanks to my dad for keeping in contact with such great friends, and I know I am blessed to have my own family there, whom I now like to call my Swedish family as opposed to just my relatives. My aunt is my Swedish mom and my cousins, well, they are more like my sisters now than anything else. I know very few visitors to Sweden have this opportunity, but it's so invaluable and it is with these people that you really see Sweden.

 Living the ins and outs of daily life with my aunt and cousins in their flat in Karlskrona, we quickly passed the "just visiting" phase of the sweet, extra sugary love you share when you only get to see a loved one every so often, and we dove into a much deeper bond, one that through the ebb and flow of daily life, was still strong enough to harness that sweet love but transform it into a deep, fiery love that you feel mainly towards very close family such as siblings and parents. Now if you aren't getting fed up with your cousins after living with them for nearly a month all together (2 weeks and 2 weeks), you know something is right. We got lucky all of us. After not spending hardly any time together as children, yet growing up knowing our only blood related cousins were far away in Sweden, when they first came to the US eight years ago, we all clicked. But it was that sweet visiting love, you know the kind when you genuinely love those people, yet you are still very well mannered and polite because you still don't know them that well? Then six years past before we saw them again. In those six years, we all went from children to young adults, growing up through our teens, making it through junior high and high school. The basis of relationships changes so drastically during this time that I was almost sure when the girls came back to the US the summer of 2009, we wouldn't have anything in common anymore and it would be so incredibly awkward and forced. To all of our surprise, we slipped back into our old shoes and picked up right where we left off in an older manner. So much had happened in our lives, both good and bad, yet somehow we got past our differences and focused on what made us family.

My sister and I were exuberant when we found out we were able to go to Sweden the following summer of 2010, saying goodbye to the girls the summer previous, we didn't know how long our next pause would be before seeing each other again, another six years? Thankfully, we got to visit their home this time in Karlskrona and drank up our time together like it was some kind of elixir you can't get enough of. We took picture after picture, gave hug after hug, and kiss after kiss. It was again the feeling of not knowing when we would see each other again, one that gets worse with spending more and more time together. At this time, I wasn't sure if I would study abroad and Sweden or when it would be.

The stars aligned and I made it back to Sweden for this crazy adventure to fulfill my lifelong dream. During my time this last semester, I learned so much about myself, a country which I can now call my own and my home, and my family. For the third summer in a row, I got to see the girls. This time just me and them and my auntie, for about two weeks on each end of my trip. It was glorious. We got to live not like cousins who live in a far away land across the world, but much like sisters.

I could have studied abroad in Sweden and not had family, but I know my experience wouldn't have been as full, and fulfilling.

In the mean time, I am missing these things about Sweden, but mostly missing Sweden in general.

 Splendid sunsets every night:

Kitties by the candles and under the stars

 Walks around Äspo and househunting:

 Family dinners at Miriam and Johnny's:

My late night buddy:

We had a routine. After everyone went to sleep and the house was quiet, he would jump up onto the table and into the circle of my arms while they were on the keyboard. He would sit and purr while I typed away.

I'll be home for Christmas

Christmas came and went, this year is going by entirely too fast!! In any case, my Christmas was most memorable and most Swedish. We started the celebrations at my aunt's sister Veronica's house for "Lille Julafton." It's the Christmas eve before Christmas eve. We arrived there in the afternoon in time for typical Swedish fika and lots of family. Like any gathering in this family, we all sat around the table with plenty of conversation and laughter flowing, cup of coffee after cup of coffee poured, Julmust sucked dry, and too many Swedish treats to choose from. Dinner came a little later complete with the essentials for a Julbord and dessert was complete with homemade cookies by none other than myself, Martina, and Emma. Meltaways, which, like their name, completely meltaway in your mouth and are to die for. With a hint of peppermint, they are fresh and light (despite all the butter that is used to make them....details not worth mentioning). Jul games were paired with efterrätt  and the warmth of family scooped you up like the big comforting hugs of a grandpa. Christmas spirit was crescendoing up to Julafton and the magic of the day to come. But you know what? Even though Christmas itself is over, it's really not over. Not yet at least. It's not even New Year's yet! Christmas trees are still up lights are still lit, stars still hang in the windows, and adventsljusstake light up every window in the city. It's Christmas here until Epiphany, yet tomorrow I go home to 76 degrees and sunny, and probably many Christmas trees sadly abandoned on the street corner as a symbol that the season of warmth and love, family and giving, and of course, the coming of Christ has come to a halting stop. But in our house, Christmas lives on, at least until after New Year's, come into our doors and the overwhelming warmth of the season fits you like a cozy, snuggly sweater. Glögg on the stove, candles lit, trees up, tomtar out, and Christmas music still playing. It doesn't have to end so soon.

On a happier note, my Christmas here was more than well spent! Julafton was started with lunch at my aunt's parents house with typical Swedish lutefisk (schnitzel for those of us who don't like lutefisk!), this was followed by a glögg fika with coffee to follow, pepparkakor, swedish cheese cake, and plenty of chocolate (Paradis...typical. The ones Babi brought to us all the time, remember?). During fika, Sweden shut down at 3pm went Kalle Anka started....like Avery said "Sweden shuts down when Kalle Anka comes to town!" Kalle Anka has been on at 3pm on Julafton every year for the past 50 or so years, with cartoon clips of many Disney films or morning cartoons we all love. It's on for an hour, and during that hour, the entire family is snuggled up in front of the TV singing along to the songs, reciting the lines, and announcing their favorite clip is next. Every year, it never fails, at 3pm. After Kalle Anka, by this time it's dark at 4pm, the "tomte" came and delivered our presents in two, heaping, overflowing sacks. When you come to this family, they don't treat you just like a guest, they treat you like family, and I received gifts as if I was one of the grandchildren. I couldn't believe the overflowing love and warmth I was showered with both on Christmas and during my entire time spent here. Yes, I am a blood cousin to the girls, but by no means did I ever expect to receive such acceptance into the family as one of their own. Today I was reminded of this yet again for my last dinner at my aunt's parents house. Three hours of eating, laughing, and conversation around the table. Much was the same around the Christmas table, however, it was also accompanied with schnapps. Lots of schnapps. And songs sung with your schnapps in the air and Christina's dad continually saying to me "this one is bottom's up Linnea." I didn't keep count. But with a julbord, there is so much food, and you sit around the table for so long, that it ends up to be somewhat insignificant. I will post pictures of the Julbord, of course. Miriam works for weeks starting with shopping and then beginning the cooking and somehow, she always manages to get the food out and ready and hot all at the same time. It's some kind of magic she's got, it's accompanied by this radiance that is constantly glowing. She kind and genuine and always happy to see us greeting us with open arms and the warmest of hugs. Although we don't speak much of the same language, somehow we manage to communicate. She always begins the meal with our "ok" to start by saying "så, varsagoda" and of course, she always goes last. She's a mormor.

Anyway, dinner. I mean, I think Sweden is my heaven. Actually, I am sure of it. I told the girls I dislike Sweden because I love it too much. I want to buy everything in the stores for Christmas of course (other things too, like postcards with illustrations from books we had as a kid from Babi or Christina, or striped clothes, or smart Swedish design, smör knivar.....the list goes on) and the food. Oh let's not get started about that. Pepparkakor, ballerina, päron anything (saft, glass, milkshake, marmelad....), knäcke, soooooo much cheese like präst, herregård, svamp ost, ect., kiviks juice, JULMUST, LOKA, chocolate.....I told Martina I just want to pack Sweden into a bag. So therefore we have a love/hate relationship. Back to the julbord. OF COURSE there were meatballs, probably some of the best's I've had I must say (although Mamma's are still tip top), jul skinka ham, cheese, cheese, cheese (with kumin!), bröd, bröd, bröd, Johnsson's frestelse, pork ribs, sil, korv, prins korv, and my favorite....the  kantarell omelet (one of the best things I have ever tasted). Oooooh it was heaven. Julmust was flowing out of my ears with the occassional schnapps and sip of Jul öl. It really doesn't get much better. It was delicious....jätte gott. Great food, a full table of happy family, beaming grandparents, and satisfied, plump stomachs. Laughing by a candlelit klad table in the winter garden and Swedish Christmas music softly singing in the background. I couldn't say I have been much happier. I had to stop myself and make a mental note of the evening as if to come back to it later and say to myself "remember that moment when you were so content?" I did this again tonight. This is why I love Christmas. It's so twinkly and cozy with candles, Christmas tree lights, cold winter air outside, and warm bodies of gathered family members inside. Cozy socks, warm sweater, flannel pajamas, and my favorite....snuggling on the couch with Emma while watching the best of Christmas movies. The Holiday and The Family Stone. Christmas dinner was followed by a generations old Swedish game in which you shoot a small marble with a wooden stick on a board strategically to have the ball land in slot to collect points. It was just a wooden board and marbles, and the entire family was happily playing around the table. Grötris ended the night and we were high on life with full stomachs and bodies filled with that magical feeling on Christmas.

Now I write at the dark table, with the soft glow of the julstjärna in the window, the scent of spiced oranges wafting towards me, and the twinkle of the Christmas tree by my side. It's my last night in Sweden, and I leave tomorrow morning for the states. The semester I dreamt up since I was a child is over for now. I know I will be back, at least by summer 2013 if not before, or perhaps the girls will come to us next summer. We have to make up for all the time we didn't get to see each other as kids. We've made a pact. I'll be back someday for a longer stay in Sweden, this I am sure of. 6 months is no where near enough, perhaps two years of graduate study will feel less hasty, and well, you never know, maybe I'll just end up here with that "Swedish man" everyone was so sure I would find. Or perhaps Sweden itself will get a strong enough hold on me to never let go. We'll see. Tonight, my heart aches with the sadness of leaving not only a place I have learned to call home, but the place where my cousins live, my father grew up, and my mother's family came from. We've got strong roots here. It's more like moving away from home than coming back from my study abroad semester. Tomorrow will be a teary-eyed, heartfelt goodbye in hopes to see each other soon. Goodbyes are not my forté.

And now for the pictures:

Christmas table

Love these girls so much

Skål!!

Lots of schnapps

<3

David and I have a photo competition :)

Love

Glögg warmed by the fire

fika time!

Christmas fika

Kalle Anka time!

concentrated on Kalle Anka

Tomte är här!!

Hej tomte!

lots of presents

MUMS!

Julbord

Pass the Pigs

Mums!

Julmust, schnapps, and Christmas dinner

Christmas game

Johnny makes the gröt

grötris

David shows of morfars singing tie